Anyone who knows me personally and is reading this headline is probably clutching their pearls right now. Before we get into this lets do a quick run down of the actual definition of " sex work". Sex work can be digital, or acted out in person. It covers stripping, camming, premium snapchats, porn, sugar baby"ing" and of course the most stigmatized of them all prostitution. I was very apprehensive to write this piece, but after reading a vice article speaking on the increased rates of suicide in the sex industry, I knew I had to speak up.
I stumbled into sex work unintentionally, but I was fortunate enough to have full control over my fate and even policing my boundaries along the way, many others unfortunately are not as lucky. I came home one night after a long binge of dancing and tequila shots. As I collapsed onto my bed I read a message from a not so local snapchat fuckboy propositioning me for late night nudes. My response? PAY ME. The following morning while still in my haze I got a cash app notification. I scrolled up through my messages to see that he had gave me $50.00 for two naked pictures. Honestly I was shook at how easy this concept was. It was like taking candy from a baby. Getting out of a marriage, being jobless for a few months, while moving across the country to California was not cheap. I took a few days to mull this concept over. I'd like to think of myself as a very free spirited person who is comfortable with displaying their sexuality, but was this a boundary I was willing to cross? Could I turn back from it? What if some psycho got a hold of my pictures and posted them online for the world to see? What if people from my hometown found out? Did i even give a fuck? Well I was about to find out. Over the next few months, I decided to let go of my insecurities and give this a shot. The worst that could happen was some wierdo would post me on a porn site or get angry and post them online. after 3 months my traditional job search was not going as smoothly as I hoped. At the end of the day I needed to survive, and although my friend was tremendously helpful in helping to get me acclimated I yearned for a way to help myself. After many pep talks from my friends, and even seeking some mentors online I decided to advertise openly. I moved thousands of miles away from home so people's opinions started to matter less. The money was good. I made over $300.00 in the span of a month. It was enough money to maintain gas in my car, buy groceries when I needed them, and cute change to turn up with on the weekends. I was basically getting an ego boost and making money from men who would never even have the opportunity to touch me. Why hadn't I thought of this before? It was almost TOO easy. My confidence was through the roof. People were literally PAYING ME just to see me naked. As time went on though I started to feel the darker side of my newfound " gig". The requests rolled in and men started to increase the intensity of what they wanted from me. For some pictures were not good enough. They wanted masturbation videos. Some wanted to fly me out for sex. Some asked me to expose new parts of my body that I did not normally show and insert whatever they could think of into it. Some even wanted me to do video chats while I pretended to fuck them. The pressure of men DEMANDING I " perform" for them was extremely demeaning in my mind especially after I always made it clear that I only sold pictures. My boundaries were not only being tested, but they were outright being ignored. I realized things were spiraling out of control when a man from my hometown told me that he would rape me if he saw me again bc I looked " so good". He thought that the fact that I had sold him nudes meant that he had the right to sexually violate me. Another issue I was not prepared for was the aspect of vulnerability. Exposing myself physically, made me feel like I was giving away pieces of myself to those that did not earn me. I was showing myself in my most open state, while they used it to serve themselves. I went from feeling extremely in control, confident, and sexy, to feeling anxious, depressed and exposed. I never thought about the emotional side of things. The increasing lack of respect for my boundaries also weighed heavily on my psyche. My inbox was flooding with people wondering why I would " degrade" myself in such a way. At first I brushed it off, but towards the end I started to internalize their judgments. My experience may have been on a smaller scale, but it is a small piece of a bigger issue. We demonize sex workers as being unclean and despicable. We lust for them, then turn around and treat them like trash. We send them hateful messages that they aren't worthy of happiness for living their lives on their own terms. We disrespect them on such deep personal levels while stripping them of their humanity. There is an increase in suicides for sex workers FOR A REASON. The stigma we help perpetuate and the hateful messages we send them on a daily basis are the reason. They are just as worthy of living their lives on their own terms as anyone else. The only person who owns your body IS YOU. Sex work is valid work. Sex workers deserve our protection and support regardless of if they fit our personal agendas.
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Author- A pro black queer feminist writer and poet from Alabama. I write to inform and to open the doors of people's minds. The fact is that I am a minority living in a state more red than Donald Trump's scalp under his bird nest toupee, and this fact helps me to give a different perspective than the status quo. Dive into the waters of my mind and don't forget a safety raft. Archives
June 2019
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